[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 9 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Tuesday, December 16th, 2008|
yo, crazy monkey fetus! where did the crap my journal go? change is harrd.
|Tuesday, September 26th, 2006|
so, who was it that just came back from picking scabs off of her ass in a public bathroom, scars to be from jumping a fence in the rain in a lacey skirt to escape a boy that she just didn't feel like kissing. that girl who always does everything wrong, who's most certainly despised by all. who's strange and so distant. who rages inwardly at the smallest prickling poke. such a silly little girl. she hates that. what's so wrong with her that she cannot be taken seriously. i hope, that i can be proud of who i am when i am 50, 60, 70. content with of my own person. i'm doing so little to challenge my intelligance, so few new experiances. just staying safe and secure and letting my soul wain and my self slip away. i hardly create anymore. i scarsely maintian. i cannot stand the static state and claw at myself anxiously. i can surely feel the rust growning in the wheels of this trackless train. one that would barral through the wilderness trackless, with no care as to the destination, only that it is going somewhere, onward! onward! i'd rather not take the time to catch my breath. the loneliness, the restlessness is practically unbearable. but one must try everything. and why not formulate a plan, even to abandon it as the situation consistantly changes. one must try everything. twenty years old with open eyes to this strange wonderful world might hardly be the time to try settling, but if this is so then why the hell am i here? perhaps to prepare for something so incredible. that can be the story i tell myself before i fall asleep. is it strange in youth to long to be aged? but perhaps the only way we move forward is with longing. perhaps all the youth secretly long to be aged. why can't i just enjoy now? pehaps, no matter how beautiful a life i will have lived when i'm so old, no matter what incredible person i might develop into i will only long to be dead, for that is the next step. i will be tied to my life by petty responsabilites just as i am now. perhaps they will be meaningful responsabilities and i will only hate them all the more. where the hell is my life?
|Tuesday, September 12th, 2006|
i feel as though i've lived too long. or as if the world is too small. just my world, i hope. my own little world. i'm as alone as ever. i'm taking it rather well, almost enjoying it, yet... it's so fucking dull, my thoughts echo. it's so empty. can anyone see me? i'm sure they see a person, but i am not within that figure. an empty suit of armor. still, i long for nothing and wish for nothing, except sometimes that it would rain harder. it usually does. i'm waiting for my cue, i will move at the opportune moment, even if it takes me by surprise.
it's bee awhile, eh? what can i say. straNGE, fuckin strange.
|Monday, May 1st, 2006|
|Friday, April 21st, 2006|
ahh, what a good day. ahh, what a good fucking week
. too damn good to even say a word about.
|Monday, April 3rd, 2006|
so, once again, here i am. junkie shakin for a fix. i don't even have anything good to write
|Thursday, January 19th, 2006|
|sounds like my kind of fun
click the link, girl's got some ideas goin.
wtf did i do today? ah, it's all boring anyways, and no one cares!!! saving up some money for a really nice thesaurus. and i've got a totally awesome 'not my boyfriend' who is totally my boyfriend, teehee! pink flowers!! bunnies!! wheee!!!! no, seriously, bf or "just" supremely awesome friend, the guy kicks ass. and i got a sweet deal on tampons. and called up marie, who's in delaware now. hella fun times with jaymelove. still no word from that job i had an interview with... they said they'd call with in a week, my fingers are still crossed. i chilled with kates a little, been playing tons of bad ass pool. i'm going to take some classes that start in feb, aquire some more skills, that kind of way cool bullshit. i made chocolate racecars with strawberry syrup filling, mad superly yum. i met a neat chick who rocked her five facial peircings, outragiously hot! i decided on a youth activism retreat in april instead of the NIN concert in feb and i'm pretty psyched about it. tomorrow (today rather) i'm going to pop over to my friend, jerm's, and whip up some french toast/ bacon n eggs breakfast, just cause they'll be all surprised and a kickass day will follow. i'm also going to track down anyone willing and with mechanical know how to help me with my fuck assed car. i'm also going to track down douglas adams 'life, the universe and everything' because i just gotta know what happens next, and check prices on THE BEST thesaurus i can find. i should also see about getting some free government handouts. maybe i'll run rampant with De, hopefully i'll see more of that Jayme that i love. or liz... gotta see some liz. but that car shit's the first thing on my list, if only to have something to tear my hair out over other than my shitty shitty job predicament. oh yeah, started a random rpg with my brother, maybe i'll do some of that too. busy busy life. oh yeah, and sleep. that's a good one. Current Mood: buzzy, whee!!
|Wednesday, January 18th, 2006|
so i got so drunk and nailed like seven guys, you know 'cause i'm wayy cool like that. then i was all sad and moany and cut myself till my tears stung in the wounds. then i went and fucked some more cock. i never used a condom because condoms are for lame-os. there was no love involved whatsoever! no love because i'm a tough hearted bitch and love is for squares!! so the other day i was shooting up some yum yummy herion with this junky pal of mine and we were all fucked over and couldn't even think, but i'm pretty sure i fucked him, a lot. the next day i'm realizing it burns when i pee. oh well, to hell with it! i go to a party and fuck a bunch more! so much fun!! then some kid's like hey, dudes, i got something to show ya! so we drive all fucked up to his house, swerve all over the place, hit some mailboxes and a stupid dog that should NOT have been in the road. the weather starts to get kind of nasty, remember the snow we got the other day? it was too late at night/ early in the morning for the plow trucks to be out. the driver lost control and the car spun like six times! omg! it was soooooo cool!!!!! good thing i was wearing my seatbelt ;op . so we kept going out into the middle of nowhere and get to this shitty ass looking house. we go inside and sit around in the living room, it smells like piss. one of my fuck buddies finds some wiskey and some other dudes are smoking what i think is crack, they over me some and i'm like naw, dude. gotta draw the line somewhere. so we're getting more drunk and some dude's suggesting they all fuck me at once, which i think is a fabulous idea! what fun!! but some other dude's like, nahh, this is wayy cooler and he starts passing around heavy revolver pistols. at first he said i couldn't have one, because i'm a girl, so i punched him hard in the face. ha, i punched a dude with a loaded gun in his hand!! and he's like, you fucking bitch! and throws one at me. so we all go out in the shitty weather and run through the woods. the only rule is no head shots. at first no one was even coming close to hitting anyone, not because we were horribly drunk, but because we were all scared little bitches. we were out there running around like idiots for about 45 minutes when i heard a blast followed by a yelp. after that all second thoughts were forgotton, dudes were getting shot in the legs, the ass. i think one dude was nailed in the abdomin, he was down for awhile. i got a nasy bullet graze on my shin. either i'm pretty good at dodging bullets, or they were just treating me like pussie. i did make some nice shots. i know two guys who won't be walking for awhile because of me. when we finally got back inside, all to tired for fucking or crack smoking, we just passed out for awhile. a good time was had by all. Current Mood: angry!!! grrr!! always angry!!
|Wednesday, December 21st, 2005|